good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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