she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
