She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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