I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
