I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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