You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
