Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
