She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
