he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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