I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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