Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
