the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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