if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize