Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
