He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
