yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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