Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
