My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My liver just broke up with me...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
