I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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