I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
