I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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