He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
