I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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