and you said cock pushups were impossible
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
