Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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