I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize