Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
