The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
