Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
