i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
