So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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