i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
