He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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