Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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