On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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