mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
