I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
