I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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