i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
should my penis look like a turkey
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
