Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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