I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
