but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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