Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
