i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
