Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
