just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
