New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
