i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
