he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Holy shit dude........stairs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
