My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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