I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
