She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
