there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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