She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
