I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Are we still banned from the library?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
