summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
