He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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