Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
