I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
