I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
