It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
