I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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