Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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