We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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