I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
