I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This baby is an asshole
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
