This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
