Screwed.edu
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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