She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
