White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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