Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
