I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize