I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
